Your tits are I can't wait for
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
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Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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