I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i think im in europe. pls send help
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
