Welp...herpes.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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