if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
