Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
it hurts more in the daytime
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
