I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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