I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
