I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
