Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I deserve this hangover.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
