every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
