i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't deserve a penis
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
