you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Actions speak louder than pants.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
