Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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