turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize