My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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