you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
