just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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