I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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