i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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