you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
