my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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