you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
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I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
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Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste