A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?