My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."