The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.