I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
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Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
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He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo