i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.