Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"