i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER