Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
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I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
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HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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