me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months