you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins