Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
