Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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