I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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