I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
