the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
