I feel great
I just peed on a car
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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