Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
