Nicole vs. Life
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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