Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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