She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
