Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
