Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
