i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
