All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
