Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
