i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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