we're blogging at a bar
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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