I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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