just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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