i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
