I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
