I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
