Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
