the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
