How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?