we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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