All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
