If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
