so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
