is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
we're so committed to being not committed
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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