Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
