are you still at the devil's house?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
