Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
