TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
