He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize