Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
