I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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