I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
