Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
