Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
