Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
