U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
